Memeing Me, Memeing You (uh-huuuuuuuuh)
Nov. 30th, 2005 01:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
joodIf ( pick an author ) Were to Write the 7th Harry Potter Book...
Guy Gavriel Kay
Ron, hoping to find the 4 remaining horcruxes by gaining The Sight from a benevolent earth spirit, agrees to sacrifice the use of his legs in exchange for the ability. Witnessing the event - combined with the stress of helping Harry destroy the horcruxes and the unexpectedly flirtatious banter she shares with Snape - turns Hermione's hair white.
Harry, unable to destroy the last horcrux, rubs an old Summoning Stone he found in Fawkes' water dish, and accidentally resurrects King Arthur and Lancelot, who fight over Luna, who is actually Guinevere reborn, but they finally join forces to vanquish the Dark Lord for good.
After which Snape commits the ultimate sacrifice by nailing himself to the Whomping Willow for no readily apparent reason.
Anne Rice
Snape, a principled and reluctant vampire, dedicates himself to relearning his lost ways in order to destroy the Dark Lord.
To accomplish this, he must seduce no fewer than five but no more than eight nubile schoolboys, each of whom succumbs to his seductive, preternatural appeal.
After a good blood-sucking and some overtly homoerotic posing with Neville Longbottom, Dean Thomas, Draco Malfoy, Blaise Zabini (twice), Ernie Macmillan and Justin Finch-Fletchley (thrice), he whacks the Dark Lord over the head with a mic stand at his long-awaited Dark Lords of Rock & Roll concert at Wembley Stadium, and takes over lead vocals on a very deep song of his own creation, entitled "Don't Ask/Don't Tell (I Keep My Magic To Myself)", thus saving the world and becoming its greatest rock star.
After which Hagrid dies for no readily apparent reason.
Stephen King
It would be better than what we're going to get.
Nostradamus
At daybreak at the first trilling of the Phoenix,
Familiar of the late white beard:
By His followers the young redemptor captured,
The year 1997, of the Second Age.
The hamlet of Hogsmeade by the masked
Will be destroyed, all of the wizards captives:
Help by air from the great one of France,
First day of summer break's consecration.
Very near the lake presses Death;
Shortly before great inundation:
The chief of taken ship, thrown into the bilge,
Castle, school in conflagration.
When those of Knockturn, Cemetery & Manors,
Will see the siege laid before Hogwarts:
Behind their flanks there will be cruel wars,
The ancient wound will do worse than enemies.
The charge of the great Lyon resounds,
The Serpent turns to pristine ruin.
Prey are the soldiers swept away by revenge,
Through the warm Highland drizzle.
Your turn!
Guy Gavriel Kay
Ron, hoping to find the 4 remaining horcruxes by gaining The Sight from a benevolent earth spirit, agrees to sacrifice the use of his legs in exchange for the ability. Witnessing the event - combined with the stress of helping Harry destroy the horcruxes and the unexpectedly flirtatious banter she shares with Snape - turns Hermione's hair white.
Harry, unable to destroy the last horcrux, rubs an old Summoning Stone he found in Fawkes' water dish, and accidentally resurrects King Arthur and Lancelot, who fight over Luna, who is actually Guinevere reborn, but they finally join forces to vanquish the Dark Lord for good.
After which Snape commits the ultimate sacrifice by nailing himself to the Whomping Willow for no readily apparent reason.
Anne Rice
Snape, a principled and reluctant vampire, dedicates himself to relearning his lost ways in order to destroy the Dark Lord.
To accomplish this, he must seduce no fewer than five but no more than eight nubile schoolboys, each of whom succumbs to his seductive, preternatural appeal.
After a good blood-sucking and some overtly homoerotic posing with Neville Longbottom, Dean Thomas, Draco Malfoy, Blaise Zabini (twice), Ernie Macmillan and Justin Finch-Fletchley (thrice), he whacks the Dark Lord over the head with a mic stand at his long-awaited Dark Lords of Rock & Roll concert at Wembley Stadium, and takes over lead vocals on a very deep song of his own creation, entitled "Don't Ask/Don't Tell (I Keep My Magic To Myself)", thus saving the world and becoming its greatest rock star.
After which Hagrid dies for no readily apparent reason.
Stephen King
It would be better than what we're going to get.
Nostradamus
At daybreak at the first trilling of the Phoenix,
Familiar of the late white beard:
By His followers the young redemptor captured,
The year 1997, of the Second Age.
The hamlet of Hogsmeade by the masked
Will be destroyed, all of the wizards captives:
Help by air from the great one of France,
First day of summer break's consecration.
Very near the lake presses Death;
Shortly before great inundation:
The chief of taken ship, thrown into the bilge,
Castle, school in conflagration.
When those of Knockturn, Cemetery & Manors,
Will see the siege laid before Hogwarts:
Behind their flanks there will be cruel wars,
The ancient wound will do worse than enemies.
The charge of the great Lyon resounds,
The Serpent turns to pristine ruin.
Prey are the soldiers swept away by revenge,
Through the warm Highland drizzle.
Your turn!
